Love, Me
by Xx-Regina-Phalange-xX
Summary: A submit to the Jameson Rook Challenge. "'Died in your sleep? You really are a wiseass, you know that? I can't believe you! You gave me no warning. I woke up one morning and you weren't breathing! Why Castle, why? Why…why didn't you let me say goodbye.'"


**A/C(Can someone please tell me what this means? *Laughs*):This is my first fic, so go easy on me, K? This is in response to the Jameson Rook Challenge. It's Angesty and involves a character death, so just bare with me.**

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><p><em>If <em>you get there before I do  
>Don't give up on me<br>I'll meet you when my chores are through  
>I don't know how long I'll be<p>

Kate stood at the back of the funeral parlor, her eyes fixed on the polished cedar casket. He'd told her since the day they got married 20 years before that he'd be the first to go. Heaven 'wasn't ready for someone so extraordinary. You'll outshine the angels, sweetie.' He told her repeatedly, and now it seemed God fondly agreed.

She wasn't surprised. Not really. He had always been running on borrowed time, getting involved in more than he should have, what with three kids and a job at the police station, meddling his way into every possible bad situation imaginable. What truly surprised her was the way he left, evenafter he retired. She would have thought gunshot wound, thrown from a height. Maybe even stroke or heart attack. But aneurysm? It just didn't seem right for the writer, not dramatic enough. 'Not a good enough story' as Rick would have put it. Kate smiled slightly at this thought, allowing herself to remember for the moment all his wacky notions and ideas that a lot of the time would turn out half true.

As soon as she started to think about his smile and how his eyes would crinkle up at the edges, the way he stared at her from the day they met to the night he died, the way he walked as if he owned the world…she shut down before the tears could reach her eyes. She had never liked to show emotion and today was no exception.

_But I'm not gonna let you down  
>Darling wait and see<em>

A hand found its way to her shoulder and she whipped around on old cops instinct, reaching for her gun, but visibly relaxed at the face of her daughter, Joanna Martha Castle. The solemn nineteen year old smiled faintly at her mother, fully aware of the tears streaming down her own face. She knew how hard it must be on her, but she also knew that her mother had never been good at showing her emotions, even though her father had softened her up a bit. But now that he was...passed, she found her mother hardening up more and more as each day passed, not even willing to acknowledge her father besides as another body.

Kate smiled a fake smile and whispered a quick, "I'm fine." Before turning back around and staring up at the casket once more. Jo could very well tell her mother was not fine, as her voice had given away every single emotion possible to be stuffed into that single line, but she knew not to push. She just nodded to herself and dropped her hand, silently slinking out of the now empty room, back to her sisters, who were still sobbing waterfalls.

The funeral had long since ended, but yet Kate still felt the need to be here. She didn't quite know why, only that she had been slowly swaying back and forth in this same spot for the past half hour, with some song without a tune on the tip of her tongue. She still had no idea what it was; only that it was important she remember. After a few more minutes of this she sighed in frustration and had all but decided to leave. _I mean, what's the point standing here? He's gone. He's, he's…dead. Yes, you can say it, come on… _

"Dead. Richard Alexander Castle is dead." She whispered to herself, her voice sounding eighty instead of fifty-five. It cracked and squeaked like an old diesel engine, but still you could feel the emotion in it as she finally admitted to herself the truth. It turned out to be the last straw.

A sob hitched in her throat twice before finally rushing past her lips. Her knees gave in and she fell to the ground, her back roaring with pain. Yet, she didn't care. All she saw was his eyes. Those bright blue orbs staring at her like they always had, only this time, they were not filled with the child-like laughter and glee they had once held in life, but now in her mind's eye they were cold. Lifeless. Even though she hadn't even seen the body, they consumed her vision and another sob ripped through her throat, leaving her gasping for breath. The tears had started to fall freely now and she spoke to the air as if he were standing right in front of her.

"Died in your sleep? You really are a wiseass, you know that? I can't believe you! You gave me no warning. I woke up one morning and you weren't breathing! Why Castle, why? Why…why didn't you let me say goodbye." Her voice dropped to a whisper and she sobbed quietly for the next few minutes. She hadn't used his last name once in twenty years. She always called him Ricky, Rick, or baby. Never Castle anymore, but now that her last energy was spent, she was tired. Too tired. She couldn't handle this. Not the rest of her life. She couldn't go on without him. _It wasn't supposed to end like this. No, not like this. Not like this…_

_And between now and then  
>'Til I see you again<br>I'll be loving you  
>Love, Me.<em>

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><p>They found her like that, curled up in the fetal position, fast asleep on the floor, clinging to her wedding ring for dear life. Jo, Alexis, and Katherine helped her out and into the car, but before they left, Katherine, the youngest of the children, went to say one last goodbye to her Dad.<p>

Climbing the steps, she thought about a week before Rick passed away. She had just gotten home from school and had found him sitting on the couch, staring at an old picture. In it stood several people all huddled together in an old precinct. When she asked him who they were, he just smiled and patted the seat next to him.

"This was the old gang before I retired from shadowing your mother and we moved out here." He had said, his eyes lighting up with a happiness she had only seen when he was looking at Kate. "This here is Ryan. He and Jenny hadn't gotten married then, but they were engaged. I still remember the proposal." He stared off into space for the moment and Katherine smiled, remembering how she had no clue what he was talking about, but had let him ramble anyway.

When he came back to earth, he pick up like nothing had happened. "Of course, he was the one to pick on of the group, besides me, yet we all still loved him. That there is Esposito. He was Ryan's partner and one of the greatest people you could meet, besides your mother, of course. He was loyal to his friends, stood up for what he believed in…yet his was still a total wise-." He cleared his throat before continuing, Katherine having to stifle laughter when she realized he was trying not to curse.

"Next to him-Well, I should say pressed up against him-, that's Lanie. She was the ME and in a 'secret' relationship with Esposito, which we knew about the minute they started going out, but that's not the point. See, she was Kate's best friend, and still is. You just haven't seen her because she is too busy to fly down here to Montana. She always was trying to push us together and kept Kate in line along with helping to do the same with the boys.

"You know me and your mother. Last but not least, Capt. Montgomery! Ah, the hed honcho! The ring leader! El Presidenta! The-"

"Dad! I get the point." Katherine giggled and her Dad laughed before he pouted.

"Ah come on! It was just getting fun!" When she gave him one of Kates old looks, he relented. "Fine. Anyways, he was our boss, but a fun guy too. I loved him, how he teased Kate. Helped me stay. I thank him endlessly, though he may not hear me all the way up in heaven."

"He does, Dad. 'No matter who leave us, no matter where they go, of course they can hear us.' You told me that once, remember?" He nodded and smiled at her, before getting a wicked glint in his eye. Before she could react, she was laughing up a fit, her sides being tickled up a storm.

Katherine's face had broken out in a grin before she reached the casket, but it faded to a soft smile as she lifted the lid and saw her father's pale form, reclining against the velvet. She sucked in a breath and reached out to stroke his smiling face.

"Dad, I hope you were right so you can hear me." She looked up and around like he would appear to her. Her face fell a fraction of an inch when nothing happened, but it didn't discourage her. "I know you're up in heaven, singing with the angel's choir, and I know you don't wanna come back down. Yet we all can't help but miss ya, Apple." She chuckled at their little joke. "I know you love Mom and you know she loves you. Even though it ain't her time yet, you know she'll still be wishin'. So just keep your eye on here, ok? You know she'll need it, the stubborn woman she is. She won't even admit to us she's lost." She sighed. "Just, you take care. I'll take care of her Dad, until she's ready to join the choir itself."

As Katherine walked away, she didn't see him, but he stood there, right to her left, smiling as he watched her go. Richard Castle glanced down at his dead body and, when Katherine had exited the building, he slowly shut it, cutting off his ties to this world. As he faded, he whispered one phrase.

"Always."

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><p><strong>Loved it, hated it? Don't be shy. I'll give you a cupcake. Mmmm...cupcakes...<strong>

**Song is Love, Me by Colin Raye by the way.**


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